Saturday, May 8, 2010

Crow Anyone?

WOW! My mouth. Can't eat without it, but OH.MY.WORD. it gets me into so much trouble.

I think I may have mentioned that I am slightly stressed here lately. I am shamelessly trying to play on your emotions--make you feel sorry for me--make you make excuses for me.

But don't.

I reacted today to a situation. That is not unusual. We all react to situations every day! Right? I mean you react each day, don't you? So, maybe this isn't so bad. (hang head) Ok, it is.

I started to give you all the nasty details but you know what? It doesn't really matter. What matters is that I responded without thinking through a response today. And I was even rude enough to put my hand up and tell someone I was done listening to them because it did not matter to me what they had to say.

That is bad isn't it? Oh, if that was it, I would be relieved. But, alas, it is not. I made it worse.
I said all those horrible things and did that whole "talk to the hand" thing, in front of a small group of children at school. They heard and saw it all.

After I walked out, I realized my actions were wrong. I went to apologize. The teacher I had spoken to so rudely looked at me after I apologized and said, "You know it was really bad that those kids saw it. That is the worst part for me."

Oh man. My face is on fire. My insides are burning. I am mad again. I spouted out something else and I left. Again.

I then decided, not on my own, mind you, after God shook me down and said, "Hello...what in the world was that? You certainly did not show my love, did you?" that I needed to go back.

So I dragged myself back down to the gym and sat down (last time I stood over the teacher--not on purpose, but they were sitting and I never did) and truly apologized and took ownership of my actions AND my words. Then the teacher said, "I think we should talk to the kids who witnessed it." OH.MAN. Not this. Anything but this. I couldn't say yes...God knew this though and so He knocked me in the back of the head so it looked like I shook my head yes.

The next thing I know, I am sitting in front of a group of about 6 kids and I say nothing. I was not looking forward to this and I was trying to figure out what to say. Actually that is not true. I was actually sitting there wondering, as I looked at some of the kids, how many of them would throw this back in my face later on(which I admit I fully deserve)...and that is when I saw God teach me a lesson.

The teacher I offended began the conversation with the kids and made it a very safe, grace-filled place for me to admit my mistake and explain to them a better way to have handled it all. The teacher was very kind and considerate and merciful. All the things I did not deserve. They did not have to...they could have held a grudge. But they looked at me and said they forgave me.

WOW. As rude as I was, I was forgiven. The consequences of my actions were brutal at the moment...apologizing to my students...taking the heat for my actions--but it taught me a very important lesson. Actually, it reminded me of something I have already been taught and I obviously have forgotten (this seems to be a pattern...lesson taught, I don't learn...lesson taught, I don't learn).

The lesson came from my dad many, many years ago. It goes something like this:

If you don't want it read, don't write it.
If you don't want it heard, don't say it.
If you don't want it seen, don't do it!

It would be really great if I could remember this before I speak without thinking again. And you might want to jot this down somewhere too.

I'm just sayin'.....

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2 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, I have the same issue. I get fired up about things, and sometimes, before I can stop them, words just fly out.

    I think it's awesome that you went back and apologized though, not everyone would. :)

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  2. i have eaten lot's of crow, and i'm sure that i've got some thawing to cook up and serve sometime today.

    i'm glad for you that you humbled yourself, and that from the teacher and students you received grace and mercy.

    in one situation where i "ate crow" that occurred nearly 7 years ago, i was humbled, begged for forgiveness, and have yet to receive it. hurts.

    and thank you for all your encouragement at my blog.

    have a happy mommmy's day weekend!

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