Thursday, May 6, 2010

He is Trustworthy

This is one long post and your retinas may be bleeding by the end of it. Try to stick it out til the end, though!

I am very social person. I love to be around other people. I might even say I crave it. I do like and need quiet time and alone time every so often. But I am not the kind that can have no contact with others for long amounts of time. It would be my undoing, I am pretty sure.

And when I am under stress, I crave people around me to sound off too (that was a nice way of saying complain, I think). And stress is abundant here recently!!! I need to know that the people I consider my friends are truly my friends. I need to know I can go to them with anything and they will just listen and not judge me (put me back in my place/on the right track, yes, but judge me—no!). I love to laugh. So, most of the time, the friends I choose are friends that also love to laugh. I get much joy from bringing a smile or even laughter to someone’s life. And I truly appreciate those people who can make me horse laugh, because I really mean it when I say I love to laugh.

Lately, though, God seems to be teaching me a lesson that I have never learned in all the times He has tried it before. I don’t like this lesson. I would even venture to say that I hate it, except my mom taught me not to hate, so I guess I just loathe it in considerable amounts! It is that lesson where He says, “I am all you need.” Now, it is not that I don’t believe that. I do. I know that He is everything I have ever needed, need right now or will need in the future. I know He is a loving God and He cares about the big things and the small. I know He has only my best in mind as He directs my path. I know that in my head. I even know that in my heart.

To put that into practice though is more difficult for me than almost anything else I have encountered. Usually, while He is teaching me this, He removes those friends that I have always relied on. And sometimes, I get that relationship back, but most times, I do not. At least, not in the way it was before my lesson. I wonder, sometimes, if I just would LEARN, really learn, the lesson, maybe I wouldn’t have to keep giving up those relationships.

So lately, it seems that one of the people that I love dearly has pulled away a bit. And it isn’t just anyone. This person has seemed irreplaceable to me in the past. It is someone I count on for love, encouragement and laughter! It is that someone, outside of your family, that feels like family. Think of who that would be in your life, and now take them away. Does your heart hurt a little (or a lot)? Now you have a picture of where I am.

When I first noticed it, I began asking God what in the world was going on. Was He preparing me to move from this town I have lived in for the past 12 years (and closer to family—which would be the bomb in my opinion)? I eagerly awaited a “YES” answer to that question. But instead, I got that book in the mail from my sister Anonymous and the lessons began.

It started with this first.

“Come to me with empty hands and an open heart, ready to receive abundant blessings. I know the depth and breadth of your neediness. Your life-path has been difficult, draining you of strength. Come to Me for nurture. Let Me fill you up with My Presence: I in you, and you in Me.

My power flows most freely into weak ones aware of their need for Me. Faltering steps of dependence are not lack of faith; they are links to My Presence.”

I didn’t understand the depth we (me and the Lord) would go with this and even as I questioned if I was sensing this whole thing correctly, He would answer me with a sermon from my pastor, or another reading in my book. (I am beginning to have a love/hate relationship with that book).

“When some basic need is lacking-time, energy, money-consider yourself blessed. Your very lack is an opportunity to latch onto Me in unashamed dependence. When you begin a day with inadequate resources, you must concentrate your efforts on the present moment. This is where you are meant to live—in the present; it is the place where I always await you. Awareness of your inadequacy is a rich blessing, training you to rely wholeheartedly on Me.”

I began to realize where we were going and I begged for an exit off this path.
The lessons continued…

“You are on the path of My choosing. There is no randomness about your life. Here and Now comprise the coordinates of your daily life.”

And continued…

“When you are with other people, you often lose sight of My Presence. Your fear of displeasing people puts you in bondage to them, and they become your primary focus.”

And continued…

“Come to Me for all that you need. Come into My Presence with thanksgiving, for thankfulness opens the door to My treasures. The assurance that I am entirely Good meets your basic need for security. Relax in the knowledge that the One who controls your life is totally trustworthy. Come to Me with confident expectation. There is nothing you need I cannot provide.
Fix your eyes not on what is seen (your circumstances), but on what is unseen (My Presence).”

And then, at church on Wednesday, we prayed thanking God that He is all we need (a small but significant confirmation that I am hearing Him). And after that, a sweet girl came up to me and hugged me, saying, “I have been praying for you. You have been all over my heart lately. I want you to know that you are loved.”

These have been hard, sometimes lonely days. But knowing that He knows how I have been feeling and chose to bring encouragement to me just when I needed it, reminds me that I can trust Him for everything, every time. No matter what. Even when it hurts.

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1 comment:

  1. I was in the mood to read this evening and you write well and I understand where you're at - Wondering how it's possible for God to fill the physical space and place of a friend's caring, sharing and love. But the Kingdom of God is within each of us and He dwells in that Kingdom or in each of us - so I don't think this is the lesson being taught...I don't think. People and friends come in and out of our life for a variety of reasons. It's how we deal with these changes is the lesson. Why be sad over lost friends when God (Omnipresent) is in everyone. You're limiting yourself just seeing your source of happiness coming from one person. It's a big wide world out there full of people that maybe He's leading you to. Anyway just my thoughts - I'm learning hard lessons too these days - great thought provoking blog! I enjoyed it! Smiles.