Saturday, December 18, 2010

Know Me?

We saw the newest Narnia movie last weekend. It was so good. My kids have been running through the house with (fake) swords yelling, "For Narnia" in their best British accent. It is super cute. I love them.

While the movie was ending, the lion, Aslan tells Lucy, the little girl, that she will not know Him in her world the way she knows Him in Narnia. She has had time to get to know Him there so she will recognize Him in her world.

BAM! God just hit me upside the head with that...He gives me so many opportunities to know Him in my prayer time and my quiet time so that when I jump out into the big, loud world, I will recognize Him amongst the hustle and bustle of life. Am I listening? Am I soaking Him in? Do I realize how precious that time is? No. I get too caught up in ME and spend less time focused on Him. I am not proud of that. I am just being honest.

I will jump through all kinds of hoops to please all kinds of people...but will I jump through the hoops He asks me to? Sometimes...but I am like a kid in my class..."what's in this for me?" I wonder if I will ever figure out that dying for me was more than enough to show me how much He loves me?

I think sometimes I do not want to jump because I am so afraid of where He will ask me to land. What kind of sacrifices will I have to make? Is doing this going to ostracize me from those I am trying to impress?

Selfish thoughts, I know. But they are the thoughts that go through my mind. And oftentimes, sad as it is to say, I allow these fears to dictate my actions; or my inaction. You know, I went on mission trips in high school--was EXCITED to go--twice to Jamaica and once to Africa. I was so pumped...but not necessarily for what God will do in my life, but more because I could say, "I went on a mission trip to _________."

Some of that was just my baby faith, but some of those decision making skills have stayed around. You know, God knew my intentions were not completely sold out to Him, but He used me anyway. And He taught me. He stretched me. He grew me. I came back changed--each time.

So why can't I find the baby faith I need to jump and follow Him completely now? Maybe because I do not spend the time with Him that I need to in order to know Him better? Maybe because I need to grow my faith and look deeper for Him in my quiet time...

He is there...waiting for me. I should probably go...

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.
Psalm 139:23


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