Well, that is what I have done this week. My life has teetered on the edge of two worlds--they are--"oh my word this is not really happening" and "I should have just kept my mouth shut."
In the unlikely event someone involved in the situation I am speaking about is reading this let me be frank and say I did not start the conversations nor did I fuel them. I did, however, defend myself. And hindsight being what it is, I probably shouldn't have.
It is so hard for me though to let something go when I know something has been said about me that isn't true. I can't sleep. I can't focus. I want the truth to be known.
I should have just kept my mouth shut. I do know, from experience, that silence truly is golden. And I was far from silent.
Romans 12:2 says, "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will." I totally conformed to the pattern of this world.
Even though I know better. Even though right in the middle of it, I knew I was wrong. I just kept on. I couldn't let it go.
I am not from this world though. I have a home waiting for me in a mansion on a hill. But you would not have seen that this week. I was not a picture of grace, humility or love. I chose to react as this world reacts and all I can do is shake my head. I KNOW BETTER!!
I am a perfect outline for a pastor's sermon. Every chance God gave me to shut my mouth I ignored. Every time he gave me something else to think on, I didn't. I was consumed by the anger this situation brought...and I am ashamed of my reaction. I certainly did not take the high road. I still, just typing this, have thoughts in my mind of things I wish I had said. It's horrible.
I am the epitome of James 3:6--"The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell."
I keep hearing my sister Anonymous telling me of a pastor's wife's comment: It is more important for people to see Jesus than for me to be right. Sure wish I would've applied that one earlier this week.
I don't want to conform to this world, I want to be transformed...into something God can use. I choose His world. And perhaps a vow of silence.