Saturday, March 31, 2012

The Back Side

The backside of anything is not necessarily pretty. Do you agree? There is a reason it is the BACK side. It is not supposed to face the world. It is the back.

I went to the zoo with Caroline's class on Friday and I saw a peacock with its feathers all spread out. It was something I had seen before but not in a long time. It is impressive. Very eye catching.

The peacock acted as if it knew it was on display. He turned ever so slowly as we all gawked at him.

When he turned all the way around so his backside was facing me, I was shocked. He was not all impressive. He was not eye-catching. He was not even really pretty. He reminded me of a skunk and porcupine mix. Not two of my most favorite animals.

I commented to a friend that the backside of the peacock left a lot to be desired.

She said, "I imagine the backside of most anything leaves a lot to be desired." So true. So true.

This week has been a HARD WEEK professionally. Super hard. One I did not handle well. One that left me angry. Hurt. Sad. Insecure. Feeling unwanted and unloved.

One that left me looking a bit like the backside of the peacock.

Being angry is easy right now. I feel a bit like I have been stabbed in the back. Or maybe punished. Either way it is not a good feeling.

Right now though, I am looking at the backside of this decision. I can say that honestly because I know the One who holds the reason for this change in His Hands and even though I can't see the answer to my "WHY?", I know He has got this. And I have to trust Him. I have to trust Him because He promised me He has my future and He has my best. And really, there is no one else's hand I would rather hold through this.

I certainly don't want to come out on the other side of this STILL looking like the backside of the peacock. I want His love and grace and mercy to turn me around and make me shine like new.


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