Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Who's in Control?

Do you ever feel like you are on a speed track in life and if you hit the brakes for just a brief moment, to say, stop and smell the roses, that all the world will collide with you and knock you on your tail?

Please tell me that it is not just me.

I feel like, since school started especially, we hit the ground running at ninety miles per hour and haven't stopped.  I am almost afraid to put this out there, but I sometimes think if I don't do all that I am "supposed" to,  the world might tip off of its axis.  (OK-not really...I am not that brazen to think that I have that much influence).  But I do tend to live my life thinking that I have to do it all-just me, with no help.

Why is that?  I am not one who really loves to work...I mean--I can sit and read a book all day long with the best of them.  But if something has to be done (kids to events, planners to be signed, homework to be checked, doctor's appointments) I feel like if I don't do it, it won't get done.

Deep down I know I am wrong.  It would get done.

It just would not get done the way I want it done.

And therein lies the problem.

It is all about control.

Currently, Tuesdays are horrendous days for us.  Mainly because of a horrendous dance schedule.  Caroline has to be at dance from 4-5, then has a break and has to be back from 6:30-7:30.  Seeing as how this place is not really close enough to home to go home during the dance times or in the in between times, it makes for a LONG day.

And I have a meeting tonight.  One I really shouldn't miss.  I already missed one meeting for this group this year and we aren't supposed to miss more than one.  But tomorrow is dance.  And if I go to my meeting (from 5-7) then I have to rely on Mark to do what I normally do.

Mark is totally reliable.  He has never NOT picked the kids up if that was his job.  But my mind starts spinning out of control.  What if he forgets?  What if he is late picking her up?  What if he doesn't take her back?

Dumb questions.  The universe will not cease to exist if she doesn't make it back to dance.  But I almost hyperventilate thinking about the fact that she might not be there when she is supposed to.


I never thought of myself as a control freak (my family can stop laughing now).  Really.  I never did.  But my eyes have been opened lately and I realize that is what I am.  Just a few weeks ago I was asked to be on a committee for church and I literally took over the end of the meeting because I was afraid no one would do what I thought should be done before the next meeting.  What?  Yes.  I did.  AND IT WAS THE FIRST MEETING FOR THIS COMMITTEE I HAD EVER ATTENDED!

I see it very clearly as I ponder my life.  I have to have my hand in all the pots, I have to know everything that's going on and I have to add my two cents.  Ridiculous.  I am running myself ragged.

But there is good news-- I know the solution.

I have to give up my control.  (yes, it makes me shake to write that)

But the One to whom I hand the reigns of this out of control life is totally capable of handling it.  How do I know?  He told me.

Psalm 147: 1-6 says:

Praise the Lord.
How good it is to sing praises to our God,
    how pleasant and fitting to praise him!
 The Lord builds up Jerusalem;
    he gathers the exiles of Israel. 
 He heals the brokenhearted
    and binds up their wounds. 
 He determines the number of the stars
    and calls them each by name. 
 Great is our Lord and mighty in power;
    his understanding has no limit. 
 The Lord sustains the humble
    but casts the wicked to the ground.

He can handle my little life and the things I think that are so important because He has numbered my days on earth, He knows the numbers of hairs on my head (and how many fall out each day on my bathroom floor) and He knows my name.

The One who heals the brokenhearted, knows my name.
The One who determines the number of stars, knows my name.
The One who calls the stars by name, knows MY name.

He knows my name and He is great and mighty.

I don't have to be great and mighty.  I am trying to do His job when I act like that (just like I did in that committee meeting).  I am saying to Him--"Hey God of the universe?  Yeah, you who made the earth in six days, parted the seas and numbered the stars- I don't think you can do as good a job at my life as I can!"  I would never, in my right mind, say that to God.  But I live like that when I try to do it all myself.

I am going to make a change (I feel a little like the Little Engine Who Could---if I repeat that enough I might start to believe it).  Seriously.  I am.  I have to.  Otherwise I am going to run out of steam by Halloween (and that would be sad because the holidays are my favorite time of year!).

I really don't know where to start, so I am going to do what the Psalmist says at the beginning of Psalm 147.   I am going to praise His name.  Why that?  Well, because I know I can do that.  I can praise Him for the healthy children I have that are involved in so many great activities.  I can praise Him for the opportunities I have each day to make a difference in the lives of the children I teach.  I can praise Him because I have an amazing family and an awesome circle of God-fearing friends.

I can praise Him because of who He is--The God of the universe and I can praise Him because, while He knows the number of grains of sand on the beach where my parents live, He also knows my name. He knows my name!  And if He can keep all of that straight, He really is the best one to be in control of my racetrack life, isn't He?

Guess what?  He knows YOUR name too.  If you feel out of control, maybe the problem is who is driving on this crazy course.  Hand over the wheel and then praise His name because He won't let you crash and burn. 

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  1. Clenched, sore jaw. That's my indicator of control world.

    I am a control freak and I forget that I am. Until stress takes over.

    I was up at 4:30am Sunday all stressed out about potential plumbing issues in my home. POTENTIAL. It killed me all day long. I was exhausted.

    Control. I have none so why do I try?

    1. Girl---it rained HARD the other night and I worried that the ground would get too soggy to hold the trees in the ground. Silly, I know. But after the tree fell on our car and part of the roof last year, any storm scares me to death. I literally laid there for 2 hours worrying.